Violinist + attempt at Haiku

Elines

Elines

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Been struggling a bit recently - photographically that is.

Took this at an old convent in Conegliano, Italy a week or so ago when I went a wander round the cloisters at an old convent where we were lucky enough to be going to a free Baroque concert (not that Baroque is my usual thing).

During the same holiday I was able to combine two other interests - Italian and Haiku. I find it strangely relaxing to translate Italian Haikus (especially of Basho) into English (or try to :) )

So thought it might be fun to try and combine photography and a haiku

IMG_1112 Violinist - Haiku reduced mount.jpg

In the old cloisters
a violin ... creating ...
beautiful sounds

The haiku doesn't quite work for me but .....


So .... anybody is welcome to suggest how either (photograph or haiku) might be improved.

NB if you wanted to go 'full Japanese', maybe you could try a haiku (or other form of Japanese poetry) with a tanzaku format:)
 
I like the photo, I have done a similar thing on my Bluesky account with 3 lines of poetry to accompany random images - although I haven't posted there for a few weeks I intend to do it again as it is quite enjoyable . How about this for an alternative...

Old cloisters whisper -
a bow draws breath from the air,
and time listens still.

Chiostri antichi,
l’arco respira il vento -
il tempo ascolta.

Although I quite like.

the violin speaks
and even shadows
pause to listen
 
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Thanks Steve

All the haikus you give are better than my effort - maybe next time I should just ask Chat gpt :):eek:
 
I just tried Chat gpt with following prompt :

Please provide 5 haiku based on this photograph


ChatGPT said:​

Here are five haiku inspired by the mood, setting, and composition of your photograph:
1.
Shadows kiss the stone,
A violin carves silence—
Rain forgets to fall.
2.
Archway of still time,
Notes echo through worn marble—
Ghosts begin to dance.
3.
In cloistered stillness,
A lone bow stirs memory,
Sound blooms in the dark.
4.
Steps washed in silver,
The bow glides like whispered wind—
One soul, one story.
5.
Rain mirrors the floor,
Strings sing beneath ancient stone—
Night listens, unmoved.
Let me know if you'd like haiku in a different tone (romantic, surreal, melancholic, etc.) or in another language.


I like all of them more than mine
 
Yes Chat GPT is great for loads of stuff including this you can then just tweak them to suit your style. I said it would change your life (maybe!)...
 
Strings given life gently shimmer
Music dances on the warm night air
Nearby a smile is born
 
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In vaulted cloisters
shaded from the summer heat
the violinist dreams.

(5-7-5 with seasonal reference. Yes, I know. Showing off now :) )
 
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John2 said:
Strings given life gently shimmer
Music dances on the warm night air
Nearby a smile is born
Click to expand...

Again, I prefer this to my effort - particularly like the last line.

Nb I’m not a purist 5:7:5 so I just view from the point of view of ….. does a ‘haiku’ actually ‘work’ (for me)
 
Glenn said:
In vaulted cloisters
shaded from the summer heat
the violinist sings.

(5-7-5 with seasonal reference. Yes, I know. Showing off now :) )
Click to expand...

Like the Haiku - and the 5-7-5 doesn’t feel contrived.

An achievement that is (currently) beyond me:(
 
Not sure if it helps or not but I find it useful to get the sound in my ears before I start. A good way is to read haiku (or other shortform) out loud. My go to is "Thirteen ways of looking at a blackbird" by Wallace Stevens which isn't actually haiku but is in the ball park. Then I try to write naturally over the top without "forcing" it. If I break a few rules on the way (like syllable count) it really doesn't matter.

It has to be said that I have had some practice at this (and other forms) over the years so I am not entirely a beginner.

Didn't think I would be writing haiku here though.
 
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Thanks for the constructive and helpful comments Glenn.

Re putting haiku on here…..

… personally not intending to make it a regular practice but addition of (any) poetry does (to me) add to the ‘artistic’ intent, and this is a reminder, if needed, that addition of poetry or prose is an option to take sometimes

This is more important on my photo club FB page (where I also posted ) than it is for this group.

On the club FB page the focus tends to be on the less artistic stuff
 
Don't do Haiku, I'm more a John Betjeman or Pam Ayes kind of gal. But as for the photo, a really good idea, I like the lone violinist. But my eyes keep getting sucked into the interior of the archway where I find myself trying to see better what the other figure is doing. Perhaps it may be an improvement to lose the interior detail so one's eye doesn't get distracted, or alternatively improve it so it is clearer as to what is going on.
 
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Helen Summers said:
…….. my eyes keep getting sucked into the interior of the archway where I find myself trying to see better what the other figure is doing. Perhaps it may be an improvement to lose the interior detail so one's eye doesn't get distracted, or alternatively improve it so it is clearer as to what is going on.
Click to expand...

Thanks Helen - fair comment :)
 
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